


I Gave You All

by Synnerxx



Category: Green Day
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-12
Updated: 2012-10-12
Packaged: 2018-01-24 02:15:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1587947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synnerxx/pseuds/Synnerxx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They'll make it through. They always do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Gave You All

"Promise me you won't leave me." Tre whispers in Billie's ear, arms wrapped tightly around the other man.

Billie returns the embrace. "I promise."

Those words would be their undoing.

It's little things at first. Billie tucking his hand away in his pocket when Tre reaches out for it, turning his head when Tre leans in for a kiss, making it land on his cheek. Things like that that let Tre know there is a distance growing between them. 

He ignores it, thinking it's just Billie needing space as he does ever so often, but then the time stretches out from days into weeks. The distance slowly but surely grows between them. Tre reaches out for Billie, but Billie doesn't reach back for him. 

He comes across Billie sitting at the kitchen table one morning, scribbling in a notebook, a mug of coffee in front of him. Tre smiles wistfully as he prepares his own cup of caffeine. Billie doesn't acknowledge him, just continues to write in his notebook. Tre takes a seat in front of him.

"Billie, can we talk?" Tre asks after a few moments of continued silence. 

Billie doesn't even glance up. "What?"

"You've been kinda distant lately. Is there something wrong?" Tre wraps his fingers around the warm mug.

Billie sighs and puts down his pen. He scrubs a hand down his face and looks at Tre. "I guess I just need to tell you then."

Tre frowns. "Tell me what?"

"This really isn't easy to say, but Tre, I think I'm falling out of love with you." Billie traces a fingertip down the page of lyrics.

Tre stares at him, blood turning to ice in his veins, not understanding a word Billie has said. "I don't understand."

"I thought maybe I needed time, but Tre, I think it's best if we end this between us." Billie says softly.

"But I love you!" Tre protests, hoping that will be enough to make Billie stay, hoping that he will be enough.

Inside he knows that he could never be enough for someone like Billie. He's not interesting enough, not creative enough, just simply not enough for Billie because Billie is so much more than Tre ever could hope to be and he knows he's not good enough. He had hoped that Billie would love him anyway, that maybe Billie saw something else in him and would want to stay with him. 

He knows better though.

Billie smiles sadly at him. "I know, Tre, and I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore."

Tre stares at him, tears burning and blurring his vision. "I gave you all."

"I know. I'm so sorry, Tre, but I can't help how I feel. You know that." Billie stands, gathering up his notebook and pen.

"So this is it then? You're just leaving me?" Tre grips the edge of the table, heart thumping hollowly against his rib cage. 

Billie looks at him for a moment, the devastation in his eyes enough to make the tears fall from Tre's. He knows he's hurting Tre and, if he could avoid it, he would, but he can't and that hurts him. He moves towards Tre and bends down, kissing him softly. "I'll always love you in some fashion, Tre."

Tre swallows harshly, searching for words and finding none that will make Billie stay and so Billie leaves.

 _I gave you all_ , the phrase repeats itself over and over again in Tre's head, beating a tattoo on the inside of his skull. 

Without Billie, he feels like he's just going through the motions of life. He forces a smile, a laugh, a joke. Then he catches Billie's eye and knows that Billie sees through him and that he's hurting over making Tre this shadow of his former self, but there's nothing he can do to help without hurting him even more in the long run.

He'll never love anyone like he loved Billie, still loves Billie. He can try all he wants, but there will never be anyone that can fill that place in his heart that's hollow and aching and filled with lost chances and missed opportunities.

Time passes and life goes on. The ache fades, but never completely leaves. Sometimes he'll catch himself watching Billie and thinking about how things used to be. He shies away from those thoughts. They do him no good anymore. 

The smiles come easier. They don't feel forced anymore. Tre supposes this is what moving on feels like. He still loves Billie, will always love Billie, but he's letting go and focusing on the future and not dwelling on the past and that feels good.

Mike pulls him aside one day, comments on how much better he seems to be doing.

Tre nods, agrees, snagging Mike's cigarette from his fingertips. 

"Would you take him back? If he wanted to come back?" Mike asks suddenly, taking back his smoke.

Tre lets out a breath. "Yes. I still love him. I think I always will. Right now, I know that he doesn't love me in the same way, so I can move on because I know it does me no good to cling to what was, but I would take him back, yes."

Mike nods and finishes his cigarette. He rests a hand on Tre's shoulder for a moment. Then he moves away, going back inside the studio.

Tre leans against the outside of the building and stares down at his feet, wondering what Mike really wanted to know with the question and why he asked. Billie will never want to come back to him because Billie doesn't come back to the things he's discarded. Tre's one of those things, at least in the lover capacity.

He's startled from his thoughts by the crunch of gravel underfoot and then Billie leans against the wall next to him, giving him a small smile. He looks tired, the dark circles under his eyes more pronounced. He seems in a good mood though.

"Mike told me about your conversation. I didn't put him up to that, by the way." Billie says.

Tre nods, not really surprised. "Okay."

"Why would you take me back? I mean, I hurt you. i wouldn't take me back." Billie runs a hand through his hair, looking at the sky.

"Because I love you. I never stopped loving you, Billie. I don't know how, I think." Tre says simply.

"Oh." Billie looks lost for words. 

"But I also know that you're never going to come back to me and that's okay. I can be happy because you're happy. Even if I'm not the person making you happy." Tre smiles slightly.

He leans over and kisses Billie on the cheek and then heads back into the studio, leaving Billie staring up at the sky and contemplating his words. 

Finally, Billie smiles and walks back into the studio, step lighter than it has been in a while.

They'll figure things out.

They always do.


End file.
